Step One: Get Invited!
The bride might want to invite everyone (including Cousin Jane, twice removed on her stepmother's best friend's side). Unfortunately, this is just not always feasible. Be a good sport if a distant family member, an acquaintance or a co-worker doesn't invite you. The couple's budget may not allow it, or the reception venue might be too small.
If you do get invited, congratulations! Now the real work begins. Your etiquette know-how will be put to the test in the coming weeks. Be prepared with the tips that follow.
A Prompt Answer
Your wedding invitation will come with an RSVP card and envelope. Be aware that only the person or persons listed on the invitation is or are invited. If your invitation states Ms. Jill Doe, that means just you -- not you and your boyfriend. If it says Ms. Jill and Guest, then a special someone may tag along.
This goes for children, too. Be prepared to find a babysitter (or to politely decline) unless Junior's name is on the invitation. Some brides make this extremely easy by providing a space to write in the number of invitees that will be attending.
Fill out your RSVP card and return it immediately. Don't delay; your bride needs a head count sooner rather than later. You'll make a good impression if you're quick to get that response in the mail.
If you're unable to attend, RSVP with your regrets, and do send a present; it is a show of good will toward the couple.
The Bridal Shower
If you're very close to the bride (her mother, sister, sister-in-law or best friend) take the initiative by organizing a baby shower. Don't assume someone else will do this; they may be assuming the same of you! Start making phone calls and getting a feel for a good time to hold the event, whether or not it should be a surprise and how many people might want to attend.
It is within etiquette rules to ask for or even assign help with a bridal shower. Be diplomatic; for example, Hi! It's Mary. I'm so glad you can attend Jane's bridal shower on the sixteenth. Each guest is bringing a dish. Would you like to bring the salad, some refreshments or a dessert? A bridal shower is a joint effort; don't be afraid to ask people to pitch in.
Get Me to the Church on Time
Bring a present unless you have already sent one ahead in the mail.
Don't be late to the ceremony -- no matter what. If you absolutely can't help being late (for example, if your car breaks down en route), wait for the processional to get down the aisle before quietly entering the church, synagogue or venue. Find the closest seat possible to you; it is the height of wedding rudeness to push through aisles whispering excuse me while the ceremony is proceeding.
Let the professionals take pictures of the ceremony. You can pull out your camera outside as the couple is leaving the chapel.
Once the ceremony is over, you can loosen up a bit, but remember to use good sense at the reception (see Wedding Guest Etiquette). Above all, keep in mind that the couple has honored you by asking you to share in this very special day.