You've been asked to give a toast at your loved one's upcoming wedding, but there's a bit of a problem - you're a quiet kind of man, unaccustomed to public speaking, maybe even a bit shy.
You know that you'd
like to make a wedding toast, but aren't sure what you're going to say, and, more importantly, how you're going to get through it when the time comes. Whether you’re the best man, the father of the bride, the groom, or just a friend of the family, how does a quiet man make a wedding toast?
First of all, relax! Speaking in public can be a nerve-wracking experience, even for those of us who have done it a thousand times. Every time you need to speak in front of a group, the stomach gets light, the palms get sweaty, and you breathe a little faster than normal. The trick is to become comfortable with these feelings, to expect them and understand how to use them when your nervous energy decides to kick in. Below, we're going to discuss the best strategies for making sure your speech goes as it should - smoothly!
Quiet Toasts Aren't for Everyone
Though the expectation people often have is that a wedding toast involves calling the entire reception party to attention, grabbing the microphone and speaking for minutes on end, these are really just misconceptions. Your toast can be to as many people as you like, from everyone to just the bride and groom, and can be as short as thirty seconds.
If you're uncomfortable speaking in front of a large group, why not toast just the head table? You’ll have fewer eyes on you, the tone of your toast can be more informal, and the newlyweds will remember the intimacy of the way you've chosen to share your good wishes with them.
After the dinner has been served, quietly tap a water glass with a spoon to call the table to attention - then, stand up, ready to give your speech. Though it calls attention to yourself (which you may not want), you'll speak better on your feet. Standing up is good for breathing, it gets the blood flowing, makes your voice stronger, and generally gives you good posture, making it more likely that you'll be able to hold the attention of friends and family.
Quiet Wedding Toast Topics
Worried about what you're going to say? Focus on congratulations and welcoming of the assembled guests. Think about your relationship with the folks who are getting married. Why are they important to you? Are there appropriate stories you could include that demonstrate particularly lovable or intriguing aspects of their personalities or relationship? If you've got a good sense of humor, insert a small joke - something like "Love is just a word, but marriage is a sentence..." If, however, you aren't sure you can pull off a joke, don't feel like it's a requirement. It's far better to be genuine than to have a bad joke fall flat.
Quiet Wedding Toast Speech Tips
Practice, practice, practice! If you're nervous or shy, practice is the best way to prepare yourself for speaking at a wedding. Be comfortable and familiar with everything you'd like to say - practice it in front of a friend or spouse. Some people like to memorize their speech or toast, but others find rote learning constricting and choose to know their topics inside and out, so that there's no way they can "lose their place". When speaking, proceed clearly and slowly - there's nothing worse than not being able to hear or understand a speaker because he's rushing or speaking too softly.
If you can, try speaking in public a few times before the wedding - tell a funny story at an open mic night, or recite some poetry to your girlfriend. It's unreasonable to expect your first time to be great, so make sure that speaking at the wedding
isn't your first attempt. Everyone needs to know what failure feels like in order to succeed.
Are you an "umm" and "uhh" kind of speaker? Even seasoned public speakers can't avoid these meaningless little "pause" sounds altogether, but your toast will be better for you trying to avoid them. Rather than saying "umm" or "uhh," simply pause and take a moment to think of the word that comes next. You'll come off as thoughtful and professional, rather than scatterbrained and amateur.
If it's possible, it might be good for you to make the first toast to the bride and groom. This way, you don't need to worry about repeating what others have said, which might throw you off your game. It can also be intimidating to follow up someone who's a more accomplished public speaker than you are yourself.
Receptive Audience
People at weddings are there to have a good time. If you're worried about a toast crash and burn, remember that this is the most receptive audience you're ever likely to face. Everyone in this room wants you to succeed. They want to laugh at your jokes; they want to cry when you tell them how much the special couple means to you. Though it can be tough, try to be just as receptive to them when you're speaking. Good wedding toasts and speeches are dialogues, with continual give and take between you and the audience.
Public speaking continues to be the number one fear, stateside. If you're a quiet man, giving a toast or speech at a wedding can be a real challenge, but by choosing a smaller group to speak to, knowing what you're going to say, practicing, and focusing on how much everyone wants you to succeed, you stand a good chance of giving a quietly memorable wedding toast at the upcoming reception.
