Tips to Help You Avoid Bridezilla!
One minute you're helping your blushing bride pick out dinnerware. The next, she's storming off in tears, claiming that if you "just don't care about silverware and china...then, you must not care about your wedding!" What she really means is your future life together....or her.What happened? After all, you were doing the supportive, involved thing. Isn't that what she wants?
Quick answer: Yes and No. You may be surprised how responsible your bride feels about having your wedding day flow smoothly, and how much she feels your participation in the planning is a reflection of your entire future together.
If it all sounds a little convoluted, that's because it is! Don't despair, we've made it easier for you to navigate these treacherous waters. Read on and be a groom that's "in the know"-- with a happy and calm bride to prove it.
Rule One: Remember That She's New to This Too
You may think your beloved was born with a list of caterers in one hand and a honeymoon brochure in the other, but despite popular belief, women can be every bit as clueless as their guys when beginning the process of organizing a wedding.And don't let that take-charge gleam in her eye fool you either. She may have dreamed of this day from the time she was little, but in her dream things sort of, well, just fell perfectly into place. Now cold reality has set in -- and all the hard work that comes with it.
Society has a way of imparting a twisted lesson to young ladies: that her wedding is the biggest day of her life. While that may not be true, she certainly feels that way. This is a perfect case of extremely high expectations -- for herself and for you. With films like Bride Wars, the popular media isn't exactly helping dispel this myth.
Here's a hint: As she begins making plans, ask what you can do. We repeat: ask what you can do...not how you can "help."Helping implies that ultimately, this is her project alone -- as well as all the work that comes with it. This is a joint effort. So ask the question. We think you'll be very happy at your bride's reaction.
Rule Two: Being Constantly Agreeable Isn't the Same as Being Supportive
In an effort to keep the peace (and get back to the Lakers game), you've probably been agreeing with your beloved's every suggestion. Though this seems supportive, in reality, your bride feels you're dodging a degree of responsibility by allowing her to make all the decisions -- or worse, that you just don't care.If she has her heart set on playing Linkin Park for the processional but you've envisioned something a little, well, less angst-ridden and more romantic, tell her so. Your lovely bride may have some crazy ideas: she thinks an ascot would look adorable around your neck and that a Dunkin' Donuts wedding cake would be a hoot. If her ideas make your skin crawl, share your opinion in a nice, gentle way, but do share it. Ask for a compromise, then brainstorm together. It's your wedding too, right?
Mind you, we're not saying you should argue with everything. Jumping up and screaming, "WHITE cake frosting? Dude, you have lost it!" won't instill confidence, it will just make her think you've been reading too many articles on how to make her happy (and we don't want that). Be honest. Be sincere. She'll love you all the more for it.
Rule Three: Love Her Mother
Okay, so you've never quite forgiven mom-in-law-to-be for giggling when you told her what you do for a living. And, it rather bugs you that she still "accidentally" calls you by your fiance's ex's name about forty percent of the time.But just for now, shelve it. Underneath it all, your bride-to-be wants her mother to be proud of her... and she wants all of you to wind up one big, happy family. Remember that, and keep your opinions about Mom to yourself for now. You're forging a relationship, a key ally who will be in your life for the duration. Remember this point!
Chances are her mother bugs her sometimes, too. And she'll be doing her fair share of venting about how Mom is being so, well, controlling. It may surprise you to learn that while it's okay for her to rant about family, if you do it, it will make her feel insecure. What she really wants is to spill her frustrations, and have a groom that just listens and nods.
We'll spare you the Freudian reasons for this; just offer a shoulder and a consoling "it's okay, I understand" even if you don't. Try the old "hmmm...I can see you're upset" line occasionally. Venture an opinion or choose a side, and we guarantee you'll regret it later. Once the storm passes, she'll remember all over again why she decided you were The One. And chances are, if you start out your marriage on a supportive foot, she'll keep remembering it forever.
Although they may be simple, these basic rules will result in a big pay off: a calm, happy bride and a smooth, memorable wedding day. This is the first step in a long partnership of working together, remember that and you won't go wrong. If you watch other grooms and feel an evil need to chuckle at their antics to calm their Bridezillas, that's perfectly okay. Raise a toast to your happiness and peace, and words of wisdom that helped you convert your own panicked fiance to a happy, blushing bride.
