New Beginnings
Your children are as much a part of your new beginning as your new spouse and his children. In a way, they're "getting married" too. We mark transitional times by dressing up, looking our best and celebrating. So take your little ones out to find a beautiful dress or a smart suit or tux.
Even if she will be in the wedding party (see below), you don't have to match your child's gown to yours. Your own attire is important to you and you want it to reflect your personality; allow your child the same considerations. Of course, you're still the mom, and what you say is the final word; you don't have to accept a Gothic black min-dress if it goes against your basic idea of how your wedding should look. Take your child to a store that has a good selection of outfits you would approve of and that will also please your child. This way she feels she has a choice, and you both wind up happy.
Although not all boys enjoy shopping as much as girls (though some do), you can make your male child's attire-shopping experience more exciting by having an older male family member take him to the store. If they're already close, also consider having your groom-to-be take your male child shopping. Take your stepdaughters-to-be shopping, too.
Involving Your Children in the Ceremony
There is a variety of ways to involve children of almost any age in your wedding ceremony (see Including Children in Your Wedding for details and how-tos). Remarriage can be difficult on adolescent and older children, especially if the non-custodial parent is active in the child's life. Avoid resentment by approaching wedding involvement suggestions casually and with tact. Be sure to let the child know that his or her other parent will be invited, if this is in your wedding plans.
Allow an older child plenty of room--again, within reason--to have involvement in your ceremony. Perhaps she wants to be in your bridal party, or maybe he wants to be an usher, or has offered to help Dad drive relatives in from the airport. Be sure to thank the children for this assistance... by that time, you'll surely need all the help you can get! Younger children can be flower girls, ring bearers or ushers. They can also "help" stuff envelopes or set up wedding favors. Also let them call to verbally invite Grandma and Grandpa; they'll love giving the big news and will feel important telling the grandparents that "they" will be sending an invitation in the mail.
Gifts for All
You and your spouse will be receiving many gifts. Don't ask your guests to do the same for your children, but do buy them gifts yourself. Make sure the gifts are very special to show the children how much they mean to you on this important day.Be creative in your planning and enjoy this first celebration together as an "official" family!