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So, if the butterflies in your stomach turn into more than a case of the jitters, you can feel somewhat comforted that there are rules of etiquette to follow for canceling the wedding.
If you haven't sent out the invitations yet, but the engagement has been announced by word of mouth, a similar form of communication is all that is needed. A phone call to a few select people that you have announced your invitation to is all that is required.
Once you've sent out the invitations, a printed announcement is the proper way to inform guests of the broken engagement. But often times, the engagement is called off just a day or two before the wedding. In this case, it is vital that you take great measures to inform guests of the cancellation. Many will have made travel plans that will need to be changed. In this case, recruit friends and family members to help spread the word by phone or e-mail. A printed announcement should also be sent when time allows. As a general rule, if the wedding is cancelled less than three weeks before the scheduled date, a phone call is in order.
There might arise a reason to postpone the wedding. This should be avoided if at all possible, again to save guests the headache of having to reschedule plans. But occasionally a death in the family or other emergency occurs, and a postponement is unavoidable. If you need to reschedule, all guests should be notified by mail or phone as soon as possible, again taking into consideration how far in advance the original wedding date is, and whether guests will receive notice by mail in time.
In written announcements (and phone calls, for that matter) an explanation is proper if the wedding is postponed, but if it is outright cancelled, no explanation is necessary. If there is time, a formal, printed announcement is favorable, but a handwritten note is acceptable if not. The cancellation notice is usually sent from those that are hosting the wedding, typically the parents of the bride.
Sample wording for postponing the wedding:
Mr. and Mrs. George Johnston regret that they are obliged to recall the invitations to the marriage of their daughter Allison Mae to Mr. Henry Chad Meyers due to the death of Mr. Johnston's father Robert Earl Johnston
Sample wording for canceling the wedding:
Mr. and Mrs. George Johnston announce that the marriage of their daughter Allison to Mr. Henry Chad Meyers has been canceled.
After the wedding is called off, it is customary for the bride to immediately return the engagement ring. On the same note, all gifts that may have been received should be returned to the sender, along with the announcement.